Had our country been bigger

The police force and news papers would have done the work they're supposed to do and we may well have realized that we do have serial killers in this country

Someone would have shot the prime minister already. (I have had fantasies that it were me)

Knowledge about the many gangs that exist in this country would not remain a secret or elusive to the lay person


This ignorance that the public has with regards to gangs, criminals and crime in general frustrates and further angers me. The only time you obtain any information about a certain individual or gang etc is when something happens to/with them and is reported (askew no less) in the local papers.

Of course those residents in the areas connected to these groups and individuals know as do the police, otherwise there wouldn't be phrases like 'known kidnapper' or 'known murderer' in the news. This is why I see what I do as important. The only time you see 'known...' is when they end up dead in a gutter for whatever reason and no one can figure out why. But how often do you read these headlines? (not very often at all).

We(our country) have had families with the financial means to hire contract killers for these purposes but this is not enough. These families have personal vendettas against these specific individuals. My vendetta is against them all. This is why I cannot fail this important task.

Speaking of which, I myself was almost killed a few days ago. Some scared prick decided to put a gun in my face to try and rob me. The man's eyes were red and watering. I couldn't even stare down the barrel of the gun because it was shaking too much.

I've always wondered whether this is the kind you have to be afraid of because they'll pull the trigger out of nerves or if it's the one who is steady and fierce. I don't believe there's much of a difference anymore, both will shoot you just as quickly.

My gun was in my bag so I pulled it around in front as if to hand him whatever was supposed to be in it and shot him in the torso through the bag. In reaction he squeezed his own trigger which barely missed my ear. I then shot him full in the chest and left him there to die.

I hope his friends found him. It won't make them re-think their lifestyle by any means. No, I imagine reaction to be along the lines of 'fuck boy kenny get kill! hard luck for him yes!' but maybe one person will question whether this is what they really want to do anymore, and that's where the difference starts. Regardless, I need to be more careful next time.

Full workload this weekend

I have my work cut out for me. 16 yr old raped and murdered in Central, youth murdered in maraval, two escape from kidnapping and attempted murder. I thank God most of you don't live in the areas where this stuff happens otherwise you'd almost be forced to pay attention to them. For now you can continue going along with blissfully ignorant existence with the rising murder toll being just a statistic and nothing more.

I for one will be out and about

Post 2

People overestimate what it takes to be a killer. I refer to comments made on my previous post about my being trained in the ‘art’ of killing. I wasn’t aware that to take someone’s life you had to be trained. In my experience (and I’m willing to bet I have more than most) you don’t need to be trained but it does help. For me the main thing stopping ANYONE from becoming a killer is a mental and societal block. I don’t have any training in the ‘art’ of killing. Nor do I have this block anymore. I suppose this is the reason I am still nursing a nasty bruise and a few deep cuts from a recent episode while the guy was left facedown in a drain. A gun really helps when lacking this ‘training’ in the ‘art’ of killing (guns are unsurprisingly easy to obtain these days and I own a few) and it was this essential tool to my new life that I ultimately used to dispatch the guy who gave me my bruise that is now an ugly shade of blue-purple. I’ll have to let it heal up a little more before I go out again.

Physical strength also helps as well. I’ve been gifted with a sizeable body from a young age that I’ve strengthened through weight training over the years. Gym is a healthy addiction. Back then I was doing it to keep fit and keep my physique. Now I do it because it could mean the difference between my life and theirs.

I also cannot burden myself with what other people might think about how I choose my victims or if I am doing so ‘properly’. I know that you can go out tomorrow night and be a little safer and that is what matters. If you knew this it should matter to you as well. I have no one to prove myself to. I have work to be done and I get it done as best as I can. That being said I don’t see much harm if any in responding to shivonne and Nicholas.

If this were commentary and I had all the time in the world to research and do background checks on my prey I would. I hesitate to use the word victim there and anytime I do, I use it loosely.

I do not see these people as victims.

Unfortunately this is reality and I don’t have the time or resources to do these in-depth checks. I have the good fortune of knowing a couple people who are not necessarily on the right side of the law and I get a little information from them through supposed random talk. Although I have known these people for most of my teenage years into my 20s and live nearby I still obviously handle this process with as much subtlety and tact as I can. Being a snitch in normal society gets you a bad rep and cuteye. Being a snitch in this other life means your life. I have gained some trust, probably out of the thinking ‘who he go tell?’ and it doesn’t hurt that I’ve been consistently buying their merch for years now (only the organic) either. As much as these gangsters and whatnot want to live by the code of no snitching give most people a safe, open ear and they will talk.

I have also on occasion used myself as bait. I have strict rules about this to avoid being ambushed or taking on more than I can handle. I have been slowly making further contacts in the 'underworld' through my existing partners as well as my gun supplier. We have had hired contract killers from the United States to come here and find and exterminate certain criminals. They have not failed. Someone had to have the information to give them. It is not an impossible task, merely a very difficult one as I don’t have the funds certain high-profile families do. This is however as they say ‘a small country’.

I do not kill mentally handicapped people. I have killed a rapist before but it is not habit. I don’t think anyone who carries a loaded gun is intending to use it for threatening purposes only and so if I come across a criminal who is strapped … you sometimes hear about those wannabe gangsters who have shoot-out with the police. If anyone raises a gun to me I’ll be taking it from their lifeless corpse after a bit. Hopefully. My one true advantage through all of this has been that although I am big I am very unassuming. And I am a lot faster than I look. No hesitation.

Some of these people even boast about the numbers they have killed. It is this pride and ego that will lead me to them.

I’ve learnt that a notorious criminal has been acquitted of charges laid against him. I know for a fact that he is also into killing, although that was not among the charges. Surprise, surprise. The justice system fails again.

He shall be my new project. I do not expect to find him quickly but I know where he lives – an interesting coincidence how that happened; he has a house near to an ex-girlfriend of mine. This will not be easy but he cannot be allowed to continue the work that he does. I’m also hoping that in my search for him I come across some other undesirables that need to die. In the meantime, when this bruise gets a little better I’ll be off searching for the smaller fish. I learned this week that one of those window washer boys from the west moorings area had an argument with some people from carenage. They kidnapped and killed him. I actually knew this boy but I cannot afford to let this become personal. If that happens I will slip up.

These people will be easier to find. Guns are a must for this undertaking but I will definitely need to stick to my no-ambush rules. I have handled two men at once(luckily neither was bigger than me by himself) but I’m not about to take on three and up.

I’ve been thinking about getting a sniper rifle – a Remington. It’s expensive (what isn’t) but it may prove to be very useful in the future. My gun contact is from carenage so I’ll see if I can get any low on the men who killed my guy while I’m at it.

Rebirth; an origin

I have no supernatural ability. I’m not even sure if such things exist. I am instead, an ordinary person. An average Joe, just like you, your parents, your siblings or friends. Just like every one of these everyday people I have a breaking point. Most things in life actually, organic or synthetic, have breaking points. There is simply only so much stress one thing can take before it snaps. Following this logic, I believe that I have snapped. Not today, not yesterday but some time ago. I had reached the point where I could not endure any more and I broke. Not physically mind you; physically I am the same as I used to be, give or take a few slight changes. Looking at me now you would never guess what lay beneath. Never realize the type of person I have become.

No, my change took on a much more psychological form. It was my psyche that snapped. The majority of my mental framework collapsed and reformed. Was destroyed and reorganized. For what is not the broken object but a new form of its previous self? Indeed I reference the previous self because the new self cannot exist without it. Thus I have not forgotten my old form, but I know I can never go back to the way I used to be. Too much has changed.

This brings me to what exactly the change has been. I think now though, that you cannot fully understand my change unless you know the previous me. Hence, a description:

As I said before, I was just like you. An everyday citizen of my beloved country – Trinidad and Tobago. Where I am from exactly is inconsequential in light of my experiences. I was a law-abiding university graduate. One whom most would describe as good natured, friendly and humourous. An all around morally ‘good’ person. I had friends, a family, loved ones. A job, hobbies, a love of feteing and hot girls. The typical trini twenty-something if you will. Not much different to my friends and all the other similar people out there. That was me: a basically average young adult.

Now that you have the overview of my former self you may begin to grasp the extent to which I have changed.

And what exactly has this change been? What is this new form I have taken? To answer these questions simply; I have become a killer.

Murderer, executioner, assassin.. all ring true when describing the new me. Indeed,. I have killed and I will kill again. I have taken lives and will take more. It is not just the ability to commit murder that is new in me though, but also the complete psychological framework that accompanies this ability. I feel no remorse nor regret for what I have done. I do not stay awake at night hearing the screams of my victims.(I am actually quite a heavy sleeper at times and I do enjoy the hours spent snuggled in my sheets). It is quite in my new nature to be able to slit someone’s throat, feel their life drain out of their once throbbing jugular vein and then go party in Zen. On a Friday preferably. I like the mix of music better.

Yes, I do walk amongst you. Unnoticed but for my good looks and charm. Never being suspected of what I really can do. It is all just as well though, for the majority of you have nothing to fear from me. This comes as a result of what broke me in the first place. The catalyst for my departure from everything I was.

Crime itself.

Cliché? Any Trini would or should not think so. We are all quite aware of the state of our country these days and the rising crime rate.

What crime was it that broke me? Ironically it was a murder. A robbery turned into murder to be exact.

She was a total stranger to me but that night her death began my transformation. You read about crime every day in the papers, never really becoming much affected by the stories. You have gotten so used to the criminal element in our society that you have desensitized yourselves. I too was guilty of the same yet that night, the stories became my reality as I held her limp body in my arms, my body covered in her blood. She was stabbed repeatedly by a man who met resistance when he tried to take her bag.. This was someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, someone’s girlfriend I later discovered. She was more than a name in black print to me. She was the shattering of everything I had known before and held true.

That night was my proverbial last straw. I had been frustrated and incensed at the crime rate just as so many of my fellow countrymen and women were. I had spoken out against the crime and criminals and tried to think of intelligent ways to end the stranglehold on the population that these people have and yet I had made no impact on the situation. I had prayed and hoped for a change and nothing came. That night the wait ended. My frustration and anger combined and mutated into something so calm and yet so full of vengeance. This is what I feel today. This is what I am; a broken man reborn.

As such, I do not kill for fun or for the thrill. I do not kill because I am bored or idle and it is the only thing that fills a hole deeper than my soul. And yes I do believe in souls. I kill simply because no one else will. I kill because nothing anyone does can make the impact that I do now. I kill to protect my society from those worse than I because the justice system has failed time and time again to do so. I kill, you could say, out of love for my righteous fellow man. Out of love for my country. For my people who have no voice against the criminal element.

I have often day dreamed of a superhero coming to save T&T from this crime wave. These murders, kidnappings, rapes, molestations.. the list goes on. I used to wish so hard for the comics I have read occasionally to be true yet I knew the truth. Fiction is fiction, fact is fact. Those books are fiction, I am fact. I do not liken myself in any way to a superhero mind you. I do not see myself as some masked crusader out for justice. Well perhaps the justice part may be a little true. I see myself as someone who met their breaking point and found the ability to do what others cannot and will not do. Take matters into their own hands, as we can no longer rely on a police force or legal system to do so for us. Not with the widespread corruption that goes on every day. And so here I am. Me. The killer.

For obvious reasons I shall keep this blog anonymous but it’s still amazing how you can never take the killer label away once you have it. You can renounce your religious faith, even change your skin colour but once you’ve killed someone there’s no going back. Thus I am a murderer. It does not matter who I have killed, the fact is I have. And I know I will kill again. I have only begun to make my impact on society. As I said before though, I am more than okay with this label. It suits me fine as it is only I who knows the truth. And well, so do you now.

Why do I make this blog then? I think it will increase and strengthen the impact I will eventually have. It will reinforce and bolster my actions as my brethren and sistren will know someone is finally doing something for them. For us. Still, I must continue to wear my cloak of anonymity because I am not naïve – there are those who will readily expose me and I cannot let that happen. Not for myself and not for my country. In the shadows of reality and the obscurity of the internet I will remain, doing the job no one else can. I am street justice, I am judge, jury and executioner. I am the new me.